


The Crazy Adventures Of Rachel And Savannah Collins

by but_youre_not_harry_styles



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band), One Direction (Band), Sherlock (TV), Supernatural, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Assassin - Freeform, Crack, F/M, Fluff, M/M, co written with my twin sister, literally just a ton of bullshitery, starring us
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 08:54:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/but_youre_not_harry_styles/pseuds/but_youre_not_harry_styles
Summary: Savannah and Rachel Collins are twins. Not just any twins, though. Rachel is a badass assassin with a serious case of sarcasm. Savannah is her slightly spontaneous partner. And shit is about to get real in their personal lives.Before Rachel and Savannah were even born, their father, the one and only Misha Collins, left their mother. He didn't want anything to do with his children. He wasn't ready to be a father. Fast forward seventeen years, and the twins have tracked him down at his house in Texas. They break in and that's where the adventure begins.In this healthy mix of several fandoms, Savannah, Rachel, and friends™ get to know each other and end up creating a lot of messes while they're at it. Do we know where this story is going? Nope. But will we have a hell of a lot of fun on the way? Damn right we will.Enjoy!





	The Crazy Adventures Of Rachel And Savannah Collins

“Dude,” I whispered to Savannah. “That’s Misha’s house.”   
“Whoa. He’s super rich.”  
I rolled my eyes at her. “How are we getting in? There’s no car.”  
“Window,” she shrugged.  
“We can’t just break in!”  
“He’s our Dad, course we can.”  
Fine.   
We walk up to a window, and I climb onto her shoulders. Pushing open a window, I shove myself in. And, CRASH. Who the fuck puts a lamp in front of a window?   
“Rachel! Let me in! It’s fucking cold!”   
“Oh, calm it. We’re in Texas, not New Hampshire.” Nevertheless, I opened the door for her.   
“What now?”  
“Now, we wait.”  
I led her into the hall and into a living room. We sat down on a couch and a minute later, she spoke again. “I’m bored.”  
“Wanna bake?”  
She rolled her eyes at me. “Go ahead, Miss Baking-and-Pastry-Arts-Major. I’ve actually gotta study.”  
“That’s what I get for picking an easy degree! Also, double major. You forgot culinary arts.”  
“Fuck off.”  
I walk into the kitchen and wander around, pulling out everything. 

Hours later, I finish cutting up the fudge and plop down on the couch, shoving a full piece in my mouth, when the door opens.   
“Huh, that’s strange. I thought I locked it.”  
I looked at Savannah and she looked at me, and we both starting waving our arms wildly.  
“Misha, you’re way too trusting. Move it,” another voice said.  
We’re now frantically flapping our arms at each other and chewing frantically as three sets of feet approach and I finally swallow and tackle Sava when they stop. She tries to bite me and I just scream at her, “YOU STUPID FUCKING FUCK I AM A GENTLE FRAGILE FOREST CREATURE I WILL EAT YOU!”   
She rolls me over and yells, “YOU ARE NOT A FOREST CREATURE NOR ARE YOU GENTLE OR FRAGILE OR A CANNIBAL!”  
We roll around, still screaming, now just insults.  
“BITCH.”  
“SLUT!”  
“WHORE!”  
“ASSHAT!”  
“ASSWIPE!”  
“DOUCHEMONGER!”  
“SHITSTICK!”  
“BUTTMUNCH!”  
“TWATWAFFLE!”  
“DIMWITTEDCRUSTSTUMP!”  
“ARROGANTBADONKATWIG!”  
“EXPIRED COUPON!”  
A loud laugh finally got to us and we pulled apart to see Misha and Genevieve laughing, and Victoria, Jared, Jensen and Danneel staring at us, shocked.  
Genevieve calmed down and said “Arrogant Badonka Twig?” while laughing, which set Savannah, Misha and I off until all three of us are just laying on the floor gasping. Misha stood up and walked over to the other five, staring while Sava advanced. I looked at her and scrambled back, but she was quicker (for once) and started tickling me as I screamed and squealed and kicked and thrashed. “MERCY!” I screeched.  
“Say it!”  
“NO!”  
“Say it and I’ll stop!”  
“I'LL MAKE FUDGE FOR YOU TILL THE DAY YOU DIE!”  
She sat back and stated, “Not what I wanted, but it’ll do.”   
I grabbed the bowl and shoved three pieces in my mouth before passing it to her. She shoved four in and we just chewed, staring at each other.   
“Who in the name of teriyaki chicken are you two?”  
We turned and stared at Jared until we swallowed.   
“Nice to meet ya. I’m Rachel Ann Collins and this is my sister.”  
“Savannah Lee Collins.”  
Misha stepped forward and fell to his knees. After a few seconds, he spoke. “You both look so much like her. You,” he pointed to Savannah, “have her eyes and a mix of our hair. You,” he turned to me, “...have my eyes, but...”  
“Her hair looks like Einstein had a baby with a tree,” Savannah interrupted.  
“Yeah, that’ll do it,” he agreed, still in shock.  
“Why is it green?”  
“‘Cause I dyed it green,” I shrugged.   
“Misha, who are they?” Jensen demanded.   
“I was in love with a woman for many years. But, in 2000, she told me that she was pregnant. I left her and hoped she would get an abortion or put the baby-well, babies-up for adoption. We were too young, too wild for parenthood.”   
“She was in love with you too,” I said. “She was scared. And then later she found out she was having twins. And we’re the twins.”  
“Where is she?”  
“Dead,” Savannah said bluntly.  
“What?” Misha reared back.   
But Savannah wasn’t finished. “Our Mum and adoptive Dad died when we were twelve. Rachel and I emancipated, and we’ve taken care of each other since.”   
My phone rang.  
I nudged Savannah. “Dude, I’ll be right back. We might have a job sooner than expected.”  
“No, stay.”  
I answered the phone. “Rachel Collins speaking.”  
“Ms. Collins? We have an assignment for you and your sister.”  
I rolled my eyes at Savannah. “I thought we told you that we were taking a few weeks off.”  
“I’m sorry, Ms. Collins, but we need you two.”  
“Whatever. Who, where, why, and how?”  
Savannah handed me a notebook.  
“Connor Nicky; Queens, New York City; serial rapist; and clean, preferably shot.”  
“Any preferences to where we shoot him?”  
“No, ma’am.”  
“Awesome. I’ll call you when it’s done.”  
I hung up on him, and turned to Savannah. “Alright, bitch. Connor Nicky. Search him.”   
She began typing on her phone, and after a few minutes handed me it. “Connor Nicky, age 42, 5’8, serial rapist. Last victim was in Queens, next seems to also be in Queens. Do they have preferences?”  
I waved my hand. “Bullet, we’ll probably shoot him in the head.”  
“Woah. Wait a second. Who the fuck was that, who is Connor Nicky, and why are you gonna shoot him?”   
I was already walking towards the door.   
“C’mon, Sava, you drive,” I said, walking out the door.   
“You are not going anywhere, young ladies,” Misha said sternly. We both ignored him and kept walking, but he wasn’t giving up. He stepped in front of us to try to stop us.  
“Listen, Misha,” I snapped. “You can’t just give up on us before we were even born and then think you have any authority over us. If you want to be in our lives, then you have to earn that, and so far you’ve done nothing impressive.” We reached our car.   
“Will you come back?” he asked.   
I looked at Savannah. She nodded, and I turned. “Give us a week or so and we’ll be back.”


End file.
